Tired and Hopeless: Finding Happiness and Alignment in your Career & Life

How many times have you absolutely dreaded going to work on Monday morning?

That nauseous, pit-in-your-stomach, lump-in-your-throat, tight-chested, butterflies, aching-shoulders feeling?

How do you cope?

What happens if you feel you have unfulfilled potential and are being held back? As though you are searching for an opportunity that does not seem to exist.

Conversely, what if you feel like you are circling the drain of burnout and are desperately trying to hold things together?

How do you feel about your work environment?

What if you feel lost, with no direction or purpose?

What do you do? How do you fix it?

I saw a quote on LinkedIn recently. Although I do not know who the original author is, it said:

“Culture is how employees' hearts and stomachs feel about Monday morning on Sunday night.”

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Let that sink in for a moment.

I, for one, felt that in my soul.

Perhaps it’s a toxic work environment or toxic employees. Maybe you are required to perform tasks that feel outside your comfort zone or skill level. Maybe there is bullying by clients, staff, or colleagues.

Maybe the stress or unease is related to pay, long work hours, burnout, compassion fatigue, poor staffing, or a million other reasons we currently face in veterinary medicine!

Maybe you love your job and cannot quite put your finger on “it”, but something feels off.

If we get down to the root of it, generally speaking, when there is anxiety, dread, or a feeling of discontent about going to work, something is out of balance.

This misalignment is a multifaceted problem with contributions from society, external and working relationships, intimate and close personal relationships, past experiences, how we were raised in childhood and our perception of ourselves and the world around us.

It is almost impossible to pinpoint ONE specific reason for feeling out of alignment, as there is often significant crossover between work and home life. Everything is connected.

Here is that buzz phrase again…” work/life balance”. The phrase is trendy on social media, but its importance cannot be minimized.

Ultimately, the alignment and balance between our work AND personal life must be corrected to improve our quality of life.

Take it from someone who has tried (multiple times) to push through, “suck it up”, and ignore the anxiety, dread, depression, and spiralling mental health. It does not work, and things get exponentially worse.

You CANNOT sacrifice yourself in the process of trying to meet other people's expectations of you!

Society Says…

First, let's take a moment to recognize the societal pressure that everyone must fit into a particular mould.

The expectation is that you work full-time hours, five days a week, 9-5, plus overtime (or work for free in your spare time), have two days off per week to “rest”, pay rent/a mortgage, start a family by a certain age, raise children, work for 40 years, then retire, and be and act a certain way.

If you are tired, drink more coffee. If you are stressed out after a long hard day, have a glass of wine. Remember, there are health benefits to resveratrol!

If you are a man, you must be stoic, hide your emotions, be successful, support a family, never admit defeat, and certainly, DO NOT let anyone see you cry! Oh, and your lawn better be immaculate too!

As a woman, times have changed, so you don’t need to stay home and just raise babies; you should also be out of the house working! Contribute to the family financially! But don’t forget to be a great employee, climb that corporate ladder, AND be a great mother. Make sure those kids behave! Oh, and the laundry you forgot about needs to be changed over.

*Insert all the eye rolls, exasperated sighs, and sarcasm*

Never mind the fact that family structures, relationships, gender identity, home responsibilities, and financial stewardship comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes! You and ONLY you, NOT society, get to dictate what is right for you and the people you love.

(I will throw in a caveat about the five days a week and 9-5, as that often gets thrown out the window when referring to vet med, where we may work overnights, shifts, overtime, or extended hours.)

How many times have you heard that to be successful, to get ahead, and to be financially free, you must “hustle” and “grind”?

No pain, no gain!

Wake up earlier!

“Do what others won’t, so you can have what others don’t.”

(Again – I do not remember the author)

If you have ever researched or worked for a network marketing company, that is basically their whole mantra…

…” You don’t like where you are in life? Great! Work harder!”

Let's translate all of that into practical terms…

“Sacrifice your sleep, time, family, social engagements, and sense of self in the pursuit of an idyllic dream created by capitalist society. All of this is at the massive expense of your physical and mental health, but that doesn’t matter because this is what it means and takes to be successful and wealthy.”

There…I fixed it!

No wonder we are all exhausted and depleted! We are trying to chase an ideal designed by someone else at the expense of ourselves! It may work for some, but we all have different capacities, objectives, motivators, and goals.

How many of you have started or continue to follow that mindset in your day-to-day life? Even if it's unintentional? (Give this some serious reflection)

I am going to rewrite that perspective because I FIRMLY believe it DOES NOT serve most of us!

That “win at all costs” mindset contributes to our (collectively) declining mental health, mental health crises, and massive rates of burnout!

Defining Alignment & Success for Yourself

If we are going to show up to be our best selves, enjoy what we do day-to-day, and thrive as individuals and RVTs, we need to find alignment in our sometimes-conflicting personal and professional roles. We need to prioritize our mental health and well-being.

Don’t get me wrong. I am NOT saying not to set goals, not to get up early in the morning, and not to push yourself to achieve specific outcomes. What I am saying is that YOU need to define what success means to YOU.

What is important to YOU?

Figure out what motivates you, what moves you, what drives you, and what you want to achieve in your own life. NOT what society or other people determine is important for you!

In my home life, for example, I LOVE goal setting, and although cliché, I look forward to January 1st every year because it feels like a fresh start. I almost start buzzing with the reflection of the past year and writing down and planning out the next. It feels exciting and new, and I am invigorated by it!

I also get up at 5:00 am, not because society told me I need to, but because I value a quiet morning to myself. I am most productive in the early morning when I can drink my coffee and work with minimal distractions. Once the kids get up, all bets are off!

And don’t even think about the whole “get work done once the kids go to bed” thing. By the time I’ve cleaned up from supper, made lunches, gotten ready for the next morning, and fed all the animals…my mental capacity for the day is done. Its bedtime.

Everyone is different in managing their time most effectively, and I have noticed that my mental health, productivity, and sense of purpose are best when I have structure and routine in my day. I map out my weeks in a template of sorts and time block everything.

If I don’t do this, I feel scattered and lost. Nothing gets done. I just float around in the chaos that is my life.

At work, I have had open and honest conversations with my employer about what areas of practice and medicine I am passionate about and which make me feel like I am trudging through mud.

The goal is to create a division of roles within the team to maximize everyone's skill sets and have people working within their genius zones.

Does this always work? No. Are we short-staffed like every other vet practice in Canada? Yes. Am I doing things that are not in alignment and affect my outlook and mood at work? Yes. Is my employer aware of this, and are we working on correcting it? Also, yes.

We cannot control every aspect of our lives and will not always be happy, joyful, and content. Life is all about ebbs and flows. The peaks and valleys.

Life is also a matter of perspective. Remember, if we did not have the low periods in our lives, we would not be able to appreciate the high periods.

We understand and appreciate happiness because we also understand and feel sadness.

The key to finding alignment and balance in your life is to figure out what works for you, with the understanding that life is everchanging.

No one size fits all! What works for a family member, friend, or colleague may not work for you.

Get creative! Seek out new resources, cultivate new habits, and figure out what moves you!

How You Think About Yourself & The World Around You

We need to take time to reflect internally on our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Ultimately, how we show up to and support ourselves predicts how we show up in all other areas of our lives.

What is your internal dialogue?

How do you talk about yourself when no one else can hear you?

What if you catch a glimpse of yourself as you walk by a mirror? What do you think?

What do you say to yourself if you make a mistake at work?

If you think about an incredible business idea, do you support yourself and go for it? Do you tell anyone about it?

What if your friend shows you a group picture – do you immediately look for yourself in it and judge your appearance or compare yourself to the others in the photo?

What about relationships? If you argue with a partner or family member, what do you say to yourself after? Do you place blame? On whom?

Be honest with yourself.

Taking some time to reflect on your internal dialogue is essential. Write these things down.

Now, let me ask you, would you talk to your children the way you speak to yourself? What about a loved one? A friend?

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Most negative reflections are rooted in self-doubt – talk about this with your counsellor, therapist, or a loved one. Working through this can be painful, but it is a critical step in moving forward.

Your thoughts become your feelings, and your feelings impact your actions. But your thoughts are just that…thoughts. They are not reality, and they do not define you.

Your thoughts are your subconscious brain, your primitive “alligator brain”, trying to keep things “status quo”.

Really, it's your brain's attempt at keeping you alive – if things remain “status quo”, you are less likely to venture out of your cave and look for new tribe mates, which means you are less likely to be eaten by a saber-toothed tiger.

That said, I am fairly confident that your desire for a better life is not a large, prehistoric predator waiting to kill you.

…just saying…

Now, what about your mindset?

Simply, your mindset is the set of beliefs you hold about yourself and the world around you.

“Mindset”, as defined, is neutral. There is nothing “good” or “bad” about it.

Humans, however, are inherently not neutral.

Is your mindset positive or negative?

Obviously, there is nuance and variability here, but broadly speaking, do you approach life with an open, optimistic, and positive attitude, or are you negative, closed-off, resistant, or pessimistic?

Your mindset determines the lessons you learn from life's challenges, the opportunities you attract, the people you surround yourself with, and, ultimately, your emotional response to life's circumstances and your day-to-day actions.

If you historically have had a negative and pessimistic outlook on life, I suggest you make changes to improve that conditioned response.

See the beauty in life. Express gratitude. Give thanks.

None of us are perfect, and we all struggle to be our best selves. This journey of self-love, compassion, and respect is an ongoing one. And it is bloody hard.

It takes daily conscious effort!

Be patient and be kind to yourself. You cannot change your self-talk, mindset, and perspectives overnight.

Thriving at Work

Our ability to self-reflect, grow, and adapt in our personal lives will also impact and benefit our professional lives.

Fulfillment and alignment in life stem from more than just our “job”. However, as we spend most of our weekly waking hours at work, we must ensure positive growth and connection in the workplace, otherwise, things start to unravel.

While RVTs are excellent at compartmentalizing (euthanasia in room one and a puppy visit in room two, anyone?), very few of us can be discontent and unhappy in our work life and perfectly happy and fulfilled in our home life, with no spillover effects.

Our satisfaction in life is a whole; it is not compartmentalized and separate.

…We are not toddlers with plastic plates that separate our food into sections so that nothing touches!

One area affects the others – good or bad.

So, If, in the process of working on your mindset and finding alignment, you determine that you are unhappy with your workplace, industry area, or role in the team, then change it.

There is no written rule saying you must stay where you are.

Some people like to find their role or niche and stay in one workplace long term. Others are constantly reaching, changing, and looking for new opportunities. Where do you fall in there?

Do you feel you have reached your full potential, or is there more you would like to accomplish as an RVT? Do you feel stuck or stagnant in your current role? Have you considered other industry areas or business opportunities?

You can change, try new things, or pivot at any time.

Now…it MUST be said that there is a difference between working out of alignment with what resonates with you and working in a psychologically damaging or inappropriate workplace.

*Clears throat* I am going to get all “motherly” and on my soapbox for a moment.

DO NOT tolerate toxic and inflammatory workplaces, bullying, or illegal activity!

A student approached me a few years ago in between classes and said she was not looking forward to going to work and hated it there. She confided in me that she felt a sense of obligation, as the DVM owner was a friend of her parents, but that every time she went to work, this older male DVM would comment about her weight and appearance. It made her feel exceptionally uncomfortable, self-conscious, and sexualized.

She felt she could not quit or change practices due to the personal connection and perception that she would let her parents down or otherwise offend her family or this DVM.

My heart broke for her, and I was simultaneously filled with rage! This was her entry into the profession; what a way to start!

Under NO circumstances is that type of behaviour acceptable! I do not care if you are a student, an RVT, a VTA/VA, a receptionist, or ANYONE.

You should not be subject to bullying, sexual, aggressive, racist, derogatory, inflammatory, or disrespectful language or actions from anyone. There are laws about this!

YOU have a responsibility to yourself to ensure you are in a safe, supportive, and collaborative environment. It does not matter if it is an employer (ANY gender), a DVM, RVT, or other support staff, someone who is older or younger than you, a client, or a manager. DO NOT enable anyone by allowing them to treat you with disrespect or abuse.

It is entirely unacceptable!

Report it to the appropriate authority and regulatory body if warranted.

Leave and find a safe place to learn, grow, and thrive. So many workplaces are desperately trying to hire RVTs – you have control over where you choose to work.

*Steps down from proverbial soap box*

Taking Action – Where to Start

How do you take steps to improve your quality of life? Where do you start?

Taking a personal inventory of where you are now and where you want to be in the future can be daunting and overwhelming, especially if you have never given it much thought.

Schedule some quiet time, grab a piece of paper, a journal (I love a good journal) or your computer, make yourself a cup of tea (or whatever speaks to you), and start writing.

Write whatever comes to mind. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You do not have to follow any format or structure. That can come later.

Mind dumping is helpful for getting everything out of your head and “uncluttering” your thoughts. Doing this clears your head of the 5000 thoughts spinning around and allows you to reflect on themes or concerns clearly and objectively and then organize and prioritize.

Do not judge yourself.

Here are some prompts and suggestions to help you get started:

1. Self-Reflection

· You, and only you, are in control of how you show up in your relationships, your career, and with yourself – how do you present yourself?

· Determine where you are now and where you want to be. What is your timeline?

· Are you content? Would you like to change certain things? What are they?

· Are you unhappy? What is contributing to that feeling? What can you change or control? Have you addressed your concerns with the people involved?

2. Set Necessary Boundaries

· Do you have any boundaries, or do you let others take advantage of you or your time?

· At work, do you take your lunch break or work through? Do you leave on time?

· Do you have healthy and supportive relationships with your family and friends?

3. Define Your Goals

· Do you know how to set attainable goals? If yes, are they achievable? How specific are they?

· When was the last time you reviewed them?

4. Create a Wellness & Self-Care Plan

· How do you prioritize and take down time for yourself? Self-care does not necessarily mean a bubble bath with candles. What fills your cup?

· How much sleep do you get? Is it a priority? What about nutrition? Exercise?

5. Seek Professional Help

· If you are struggling with your mental or physical health, seek professional help.

· While not an exhaustive list, CanadianRVT has a list of available mental health resources (https://www.canadianrvt.com/mental-health-resources)

· When did you last see a family doctor for a routine physical exam, bloodwork, etc.? What about a therapist? Alternative practitioner (chiro, physio, massage, etc.)?

6. Establish a Support Network

· This does not have to be family or friends. There are different online or in-person groups, and connecting with like-minded individuals can be an invaluable resource.

7. Seek Out Additional Learning Opportunities & Resources

· These may be veterinary-specific or not. Do you prefer in-person events/learning, podcasts, books, blogs, etc.?

· Do you know what career advancement options are available to you? (https://www.canadianrvt.com/career-advancement)

8. Get a Coach!

· They can guide you through the process of finding alignment in your personal and professional life, provide support and guidance and help you set goals and work through the mental blocks that may be holding you back.

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Your success, happiness, and where you go in life is only restricted by your own mindset and self-imposed limitations.

I am not ignoring the very real cultural, geographical, socioeconomic, language and other barriers that genuinely exist, but rather stating that your happiness is not defined by someone or something else.

It is internal.

Happiness is not a future goal. It is not something that is waiting on a philosophical shelf for when you lose 10 lbs, get that promotion at work, go on that vacation, save a certain amount of money, etc.

Happiness is a daily, conscious decision. It requires effort and intention.

I hope you find happiness today. <3

While trained in Mental Health First Aid, the author is not a mental health professional or doctor, and opinions expressed here should not be expressed or implied that they are a replacement for qualified medical or mental health treatment, diagnosis, or otherwise. Please seek the support, guidance, and medical help necessary if you are struggling with your mental or physical health.